Things have been awfully serious in here the last few days. So it’s time to stoop once again to outright theft from the late W.S. Gilbert. One half of one verse of this appeared six years ago at Stageleft - the remainder has been gestating. For Peter and Dawg, who are very good at this…and of course, for anyone else who wants to play.

I’ve Got A Little List

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,

I’ve got a little list—I’ve got a little list

Of blogosphere offenders who might best be shot or drowned,

And who never would be missed—who never would be missed!

There’s “The Elephant” who memorizes EVERY thought you’ve thunk

And can quote each word you wrote one night four years ago, while drunk;

There’s the undergrad logician with the syllogisms lame

And the writers who need smilies just to make their “humour” plain,

Who on writing BWAH HAH HAH to mimic laughter will persist-

They’d none of ‘em be missed—they’d none of ‘em be missed!

CHORUS. He’s got ‘em on the list—he’s got ‘em on the list; And they’ll none of ‘em be missed—they’ll none of ‘em be missed.

That complainer always leaving, but who never really goes,

The Western Separatist - he’s up there on the list.

And the earnest NDP-er with the stultifying prose,

The “Green” polemicist…oh, yes, she’s on the list.

There’s the ersatz statistician with his figures from thin air

And the “expert” who’s done everything and travelled everywhere

And the fool who, without prompting, can’t recall his children’s names

But with Google and with Bartlett’s comes across like Henry James

And he who in each posting sniffs out anti-Zionists,

I’ll put HIM on the list. Inquisition on the list!

CHORUS. He’s got ‘em on the list—he’s got ‘em on the list; And they’ll none of ‘em be missed—they’ll none of ‘em be missed.

And EVERY evil blogger who on forwarding a “meme”

To their readers will insist - they’re WAY up on the list.

And the posters who with UPPER CASE TIRADES MUST FILL THE SCREEN

And the lower case resist - for sure, they’re on the list.

Those cretins who have yet to learn what spell checkers are for,

Who, when the thread is wrung quite dry, insist on posting more

And the arrogant Balbulican, self-centred, smug, and rude,

And his Bolshie buddy Dr. Dawg, and Stageleft, the tattooed,

But it really doesn’t matter whom you put upon the list,

For they’d none of ‘em be missed—they’d none of ‘em be missed!

CHORUS. You may put ‘em on the list—you may put ‘em on the list; And they’ll none of ‘em be missed—they’ll none of ‘em be missed!