Restoring Dignity to the Office of the President

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Dawg’s House is, of course, a proudly Canadian blog. Still, we must confess a certain fascination with our good neighbours to the South, whose politics always seem to involve so much more drama than our domestic variety. It’s hard to sit on the patio and concentrate on your Sudoku when the giant lunatic asylum next door is in flames.

One of the more interesting sub-plots is the spectacle of a likeable President who retains a high level of personal popularity, while scoring some of the lowest approval ratings in US history. We know that Mr. Obama is a loyal reader and occasional commenter on this blog (we’re sworn to secrecy, but you can probably figure it out), so we thought we’d provide him with a short list of suggestions to help him improve his flagging fortunes.

1) Invade something. Everybody’s favourite. It can be a little tough on the country that’s being invaded, but any strategy that worked for Reagan, Clinton AND Bush WILL work for you. Try to pick a place that won’t give you too hard a time, with a name that people can pronounce. A high percentage of Muslims will win you some grudging respect from your foes.

2) Spend more time in Europe. They seem to like you better than the folks back home, and the photo ops are great. Bring the wife. Hang out with the Queen (but don’t hug her). Attend a concert by some weird band (not Viking Death Thrash, but something nice and not too European.)

3) Get sick. Nothing too serious or debilitating, of course - no need to take it to extremes like Dawg. But it should have a really dramatic name to maximize the sympathy factor. Some options: apocrine pedal bromhidrosis (smelly feet), Beckwith-Wiedemann syndrome (creases in the earlobes), or recidivistic gluteal furunculosis (a recurring boil on the buttocks).

4) Buy a kitten. Seriously. Everybody likes kittens. And then you can hold a national contest to name it. Then take it on tour. Then the KITTEN can get sick.

5) Record a duet with Tony Bennett. Hey, it worked for Amy Winehouse.

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This page contains a single entry by Balbulican published on September 28, 2011 8:41 PM.

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