Dr. Dawg

Maggie Thatcher's private dream to be realized in Canada?

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I agree with the thrust of this quite reasonable article. A privatized state funeral would be a superb tribute to the now rapidly rusting Iron Lady and everything She stood for.

Closer to home, what about it, Stephen Harper? I think the author of that article may demonstrate somewhat of a lack of imagination. When that fateful day comes, and let us by all means draw a veil upon it, the possibilities are boundless. Fittingly, marketing genius will prove the worth of the Prime Minister’s ideas.

State funeral.jpg

SunTV will advertise the events with an appearance by Ezra Levant in a Tory-blue wig, pumps and a blue sweater with a kitten brooch. For once he will manage to look sombre, even grief-struck, in spite of the fact that Harper put a quick stop to his own parliamentary ambitions.

Co-sponsored by the Chrysotile Institute and an Alberta tar sands consortium, whose Chinese board of directors will be present on the reviewing stand, the “funeral gala” will be of unprecedented pomp and majesty.

Seizing on a good idea, Jason Kenney will walk along beside the hearse, bare-handed, one hand on the hood. This is Canada, however: should the weather prove inclement, premium ticket-holders will be issued umbrellas. If the event takes place in wintertime, they will be permitted to wear gloves, and Kenney will be seated in the interior.

People wishing to attend will, in fact, have a wide variety of purchasing options. There will be a one-day basic ticket, including attendance at the funeral procession and at the service in a cordoned-off area outside the venue, and a choice of reasonably-priced sandwiches at the reception afterwards, with complimentary coffee, tea or soft drinks.

Those whose grief runs deeper may enjoy a two-day excursion, allowing in-church mourning and a hot buffet with cash bar at the reception, and a day at a Conservative policy gathering, with a free continental breakfast.

The premium three day all-inclusive VIP deluxe mourning package will include front-row seats at the procession and service, unlimited champagne and oysters afterwards, a quick trip by Canadian Forces helicopter for a day of post-funeral relaxation at Deerhurst Lodge in Muskoka, and end with a festive gathering at Harper’s grave to watch him rise again.

It could be the kind of memorable occasion of which only private enterprise can conceive, a fitting tribute to a man whose entire life has been devoted to a significant part of the country. Why not a little forward planning so we can beat the crowds and book now?

[H/t deBeauxOs]

UPDATE: (January 8) Alert reader “forgot to buy tinfoil” discovers an historical precedent with uncanny resemblances to my modest proposal.

But, of the general trading spirit which, in its inherent emptiness and want of consistency and reality, the long-deferred State Funeral has appropriately awakened, we will proceed to furnish a few instances all faithfully copied from the advertising columns of The Times….

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This page contains a single entry by Dr. Dawg published on January 7, 2012 12:10 PM.

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