Fellini Lives!

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Christian websites were beside themselves with glee earlier this week when a Femen clown squad of four topless women surrounded Archbishop Andre-Joseph Leonard,the head of the Catholic Church in Belgium, and doused him with water from dildo-size plastic squirters in the shape of the Virgin Mary.

The Archbishop incurred the annoyance of the Femen (and pretty much anyone not born in Riyadh or Alabama) through a series of pronouncements on homosexuality expressing views only slightly less venomous than those of the good Reverend Phelps. He blames AIDS on “risky” sexual behaviour, primarily by “abnormal” homosexuals. He stopped just short of Pat Robertson country by refusing to characterize AIDS as God’s “punishment” of gays, but his observation that “this epidemic is sort of intrinsic justice” earned him prosecution for homophobia - for which he was acquitted, Deo Gratias.

(To do justice to the Archbishop, there is one category of homosexual behaviour for which he manages to summon up a modicum of Christian compassion: he opposes full public prosecution of elderly, abusive priests as unnecessarily punitive, and feels that removal from the priesthood or defrocking retired priests charged with paedophilia is wrong because it’s “a sort of vengeance”.)

My favourite Christian sites were all over this story. Not only did it provide a rare opportunity to publish shots of chastely pixelated naked women …purely for the highest of moral purposes, you understand. But mostly, they were impressed by the Archbishop’s reaction. Life Site News describe the Archbishop’s near martyrdom thus:

“In an astonshing [sic] display of gentleness in the face of a vile attack, the head of the Catholic Church in Belgium, Archbishop Andre-Joseph Leonard, remained calmly seated with eyes closed in prayer Tuesday as four topless women attacked him with shouts and curses and doused him with water… For most of the attack, which lasted a number of minutes before the women could be forced off stage, Archbishop Leonard sat drenched with water with eyes closed in prayer. After the ordeal, the archbishop kissed the image of the Virgin Mary on one of the water bottles that was used in the attack.”

“Eyes closed in prayer”, eh? Mm. Yes, well…if you say so. But I’m contemplating that blissed out expression, and the shot of the Archbishop reverently kissing the unfortunately phallic Virgin Mary Patented Holy Water Squirter - and I can’t help but wonder exactly what that prayer consisted of.

“Lord, I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but…four naked women dancing around me? Cavorting with Vile Blasphemies scrawled on their naked flesh? Spraying - gulp - all over me? Lord, this will forever be the highlight of my Archbishopric. Thank you, Lord! THANK YOU!”


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This page contains a single entry by Balbulican published on April 28, 2013 6:00 AM.

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