So this is your big week, is it? Cleansed by Ezra’s-sneer drenched apology, armed with a hundred identical pencil-scrawled endorsements on torn foolscap from the faithful, brandishing the banners of “level playing field” and “free and frank debate”, you’re ready to storm the bastions of commie privilege and demand that regulators ignore everything you claim to stand for in order to keep your ship afloat? (2013 Guinness Nominee for most mixed metaphors in a single sentence).

Here’s the problem. You’re barking up the wrong tree. It’s not the evil socialist CRTC that’s denying you access to the viewers that you claim are languishing out there. You’re going to starve to death because you’re a lousy investment.

You see, Shaw, Bell, Rogers - the cable and DTS carriers whose carriage you’re seeking - they’re businesses. They’re in the business of making money. Despite the paranoid ravings of right and left wing media pundits, Canada’s principal carriers are ideologically neutral, or, if anything, slightly inclined to your perspective. They know precisely the nature and quality of the product you’re peddling, and they know exactly who out there is interested. If they thought there was a market for your crap, they’d be carrying your signal WITHOUT a directive from the Commission. Instead, you’re discretionary, like Maleflixxx or Fashion Television. Smarter business people than you have decided that you’re a losing proposition. And they now have your disastrous financial and programming history to confirm their assessment.

See you at the hearing!